How do you deal with a parent in failing health? (I’m an adult)?
My father, 63, He has kidney failure, on dialysis, has a disease like Parkinson’s without the tremor, severe arthritis with chronic pain, weak as water, can’t do much, falls a lot, and is as stubborn as a mule. He is giving my stepmom a hard time (he has always been insecure and now it’s worse) and forgets a great deal. He is angry about his loss of freedom. Of course! But his doc said no driving and he insists he will drive. How do you handle a situation like this? He has always been independent and controlling, now he can’t do what he used to do. He was always a workaholic, but also an alcoholic – the kind no one else would have ever known about. He worked hard, was successful, but came home and drank every night. He can’t drink now, which makes it a little easier to talk to him, but he is still stubborn. What do I do? My stepmom is overwhelmed with full time work and caring for him. My older brother and I do what we can, but our 20-year-old half brother is being a brat. HELP!!!!!
Wow, that’s a tough one! I haven’t been in that situation but I really feel for you. All I can say is pray! And maybe support groups?
Best of luck!
Pray.There must be people who can offer you respite while you have a break.Talk to his doctor.He might have suggestions to help you.Your father would naturally have his license taken away so he would not be able to drive.
Hi, i really can’t answer this cause i go through it also, my dad is 62 and bedridden and he is really obese since he don’t do anything cuz he can’t and he gripes alot, the house is fallin apart and it’s too hard for me to go there and visit cuz i get so depressed. He suffers from arthritis too from breakin his back at 17 and lives on pain medication. I also have a toddler w/downs synrome and can’t take her there, it’s too cluttered. I feel for u and hope u figure out something. Sorry, I know it’s rough on u and ofcourse ur siblings. Hope someone on here can help u figure it out, i am just relating to u, good luck sweetie
I think the only thing you can do to be safe is to talk to the police department in his town. Explain that his doctor has told him not to drive, yet he is adamant that he will drive. If they pull him over, they may be able to have his license revoked. Or, call his doctor and explain the situation? I don’t know how they deal with these things. As for the family issues, I empathize. See if there is an independent living center in your area and some support groups or even respite for you and your family. Also, the Alzheimer’s Association works with people with tremors and they often can find respite for free.
Take away his car keys, have your step mom call the doctor and ask for meds to calm your father down.
You can contact your state office of driving licenses and ask that his drivers license be suspended or revoked. Not a kind thing to do but sounds like it needs to be done. Or his doctor’s office can notify them of that and ask that it be done as well. Check with both and find out what to do. (Let the doctor’s office know that he’s not cooperating with the direction not to drive any more) Try to continue supporting your stepmom and help her out when you can. It’s got to be hard for her as well. Continue to try and get your half brother to help out, but he may be in denial of what is going on and is acting out as a result of it.
Prepare yourselves that you will need to start looking at a facility that he can move to in the near future as his condition worsens and will need full time medical care. You don’t have to tell him about it, and don’t even need to tell your stepmom about it. But if you have the time now to see what is available and what will be best you can have the information on hand and ready for when you need it. It’s not a comfortable thing to do, but it is a reality when things start happening. There is going to be a time when you three can no longer care for him around the clock, and you can’t always bring in full time nursing care.